With us having eight months under our belt of being a family of four, I finally feel like I’m starting to get into a comfortable rhythm. It’s one thing to feel like you’re finally mastering the art of caring for one child, but an upgraded set of skills are required when you throw even more kids into the mix.
Adjusting to motherhood with two (or more) kids can be challenging, but it’s also very rewarding. Here are five ways to help you with adjusting to life with more than one child:
1) Prioritize self-care
I listed this as number one because it is often overlooked, but it is so important for a parent to be at their best for their kids.
Self care is not a luxury but a necessity.
Self-care looks different for each person, so we have to quickly figure out which practices/habits we have that fill our cup up and re-energize us.
For example, many people consider regularly going to the nail salon as a form of self care, while I prefer to do my own nails and dedicate the time I would’ve spent at the salon doing something else, like binge watching cooking videos on TikTok.
I’ve also had to take my own advice about prioritizing self care by reminding myself that creating content (although enjoyable for me and something I’m happy to dedicate hours to) is a job at the end of the day and isn’t really “self-care” that will leave me feeling rested and re-energized.
I wrote a whole separate blog on the importance of self-care:
But just remember that people harp on its importance because many of us have experienced what happens when you don’t prioritize it. This includes burnout, frustration, mental health challenges, and feelings of overwhelm, just to name a few.
2) Establish routines
Routines help you stay organized and make each day feel more manageable. Not only do babies and children thrive off of routine, but many parents do too, especially if you’re a type A personality like me. Even though there may be variations from day to day and being adaptable is important, establishing a routine creates a road map to help you stay on track during the day.
If you know that your daughter normally takes a nap at 1pm and if she skips it, the 5:30 – 7:30pm portion of the day will be more challenging, it will help guide your decisions during the day.
If you know that your 8 month old son wakes up at 6:30am briefly then falls back asleep until 8:30am, then it will help guide your personal morning routine.
Keeping the little ones on a schedule is important for their growth and development and beneficial for you at the same time. A small caveat is knowing that certain things like illness, stage development, snow days, and other things out of your control can throw the routine off and there is strength in accepting that while rolling with the punches.
With the benefits that come along with having a set routine, I do still encourage parents to remain flexible in adapting to the needs of both children at the same time.
3) Involve your older child in caregiving tasks
This one has been a game changer for me. My daughter, who is naturally very caring and helpful, has thoroughly enjoyed being a member of her little brother’s care team. Not only does this involvement empower the older sibling(s) to be useful and exhibit their love, but it frees up time for you simultaneously. It’s a win-win for everyone involved.
Depending on the age of your children, this can lead to quicker diaper changes, easier feeds, smoother naps, more fun story times, and much more.
With a bit of creativity and guidance, your older children can be very helpful with caring for the new baby. And you’ll benefit directly from the help.
4) Seek support from family and friends
You never quite appreciate the phrase “it takes a village” until you have children. When people offer to help with childcare, with meals, or in any other way, accept it! A lot of new parents fall into the trap of thinking they don’t need support or that they’re incompetent if they accept help, and this couldn’t be further from the truth.
It’s a no-brainer that I encourage parents to accept help when it’s offered, but I also encourage them to seek help out as well. Sometimes, your community of friends needs to be coached on how to help you and may not even know what you need until you vocalize it. This is especially true if your friends/family have never had children before and don’t know what the transition to parenthood feels like firsthand.
If you need a few hours on the weekend for childcare, ask for it.
If you feel isolated and just want to vent to your girlfriends without judgment, let them know.
If you are feeling a little overwhelmed with caring for multiple children, ask for advice from your mom friends who can offer valuable insight.
Don’t ever for one second, let yourself believe that you’re alone in this parenthood journey, especially during the hard times.
5) Communicate openly with your partner
A young naive Tiffany used to think it was a badge of honor to “do it all” alone. Even though she had a supportive husband who was happy to be involved, she somehow missed the mark, and she attempted to shoulder the burden of child rearing alone.
Although this didn’t last long, don’t be like young Tiff.
I learned the importance of voicing my concerns with my husband early on in our relationship, but the dynamic shifted when we began having children.
I had to accept the fact that although we may do things differently, we are a team, and our parenting should be in tandem and never in opposition. It took us being intentional about strengthening our communication to truly understand this.
Remember that our partners are not mind readers, and we have to be open with our communication. This way, there’s no confusion about what we truly want and need from them.
Making the adjustment from one child to multiple may be tricky at first, but with a bit of planning, it can become a very enjoyable process. Don’t forget to prioritize self-care, establish routines, involve your older children, tap into your tribe, and communicate with your partner. And watch how things transform for you.
We’ve got this!
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Dr. Tiffany Ofili Porter 