Dr. Tiffany Ofili Porter

Two weeks ago, I traveled to Onitsha, Anambra State in Nigeria, to honor my dad’s dying wish to be buried in his ancestorial home near his mother and father. It took place in his village Ogboli Olosi and I am very glad I had the opportunity to witness both his funerals (the other one was in Michigan) to give proper respects to the man who sacrificed so much for our family.

Anyone who knows me knows the deep love & respect I have for my dad, and it was fulfilling to make the trip and honor him and his legacy in a way I know he would be proud.

And boy, was it a celebration!

From the live band & horse display to the head turning processions & the incredible support he had, we truly gave my dad the funeral he deserved.

While I was in Onitsha soaking in all of the pomp and circumstance surrounding my dad’s grand burial, I had time to fully immerse myself into the culture, traditions, customs, and energy of our village, and I learned a lot along the way.

Here are five things that I learned from organizing and experiencing my dad’s grand funeral in Nigeria that you may find very interesting.

1) There is Power of Community Support

In Nigerian culture, funerals are communal events, and everyone, from the kids to adults, appreciates the importance and reverence of them.

The overwhelming presence of extended family, friends, and even strangers showed how important my dad was — and how deeply connected people are in times of loss.

Being there to see how many people took the time out of their lives to be present for my dad speaks to the true power of community support.

2) We Have Cultural Pride and Traditions Run Deep

From traditional attire to rituals, music, and dance, I saw first-hand how Nigerian funerals are not just about mourning but celebrating a life well lived. Being that my dad was the first son of his family (which has an additional level of expectation in our culture), and seeing the significance placed on one’s last rights and customs associated with it, I had a much better understanding of why my father insisted that he must be buried in his village.

It was deeper than just photos and food. It was rooted in tradition. It was rooted in honoring the ancestors who paved the way for us all. It showed a sense of cultural pride. It signified a commitment to upholding the beliefs and culture that we Igbos hold dear to our hearts.

Honoring customs can be healing and unifying, and although it was an emotional experience for me, it felt an overwhelming sense of closure and fulfillment in being able to truly honor my dear dad and his legacy.

3) Planning a big funeral is emotionally and financially demanding

The scale of a grand funeral in Nigeria often involves months of preparation, large expenses, and emotional stress. Special shout out to my Aunty Rosemary (who’s my dad’s younger sister) for doing the lion’s share of the planning because she truly did a remarkable job in the execution of my dad’s grand burial. There was a tremendous amount of attention to detail, and she ensured that no stone was left unturned. With that, however, I did contribute to some aspects (the photographer, videographer, gathering documents, coordinating with extended family, finalizing travel documents etc.) and needless to say, the planning on top of the grief is incredibly demanding.

Even though it was tough, it was well worth it in the end. My dad deserved it all plus more.

In the end, it taught me resilience, budgeting under pressure, and the importance of knowing when to delegate.

4) Funerals Are as Much for the Living as for the Dead

While my dad’s funeral honored  his memory, the event also brought people together to reconnect, heal old wounds, and support one another. There is a school of thought that says once a person passes away, there’s no point in having a big celebration because they aren’t even there to witness or experience it for themselves. As far as I’m concerned, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

A funeral is the last opportunity someone has to publicly show their support for the deceased and pay respect for the impact they made on your life. And that was why I felt it completely necessary to be physically present for my dad’s funeral, because there are some moments you can’t get back, and I knew I would regret it with everything in me if I missed it.

Being at my dad’s burial did give me a sense of closure, so in that regard, I benefited from being there, and I consider that a win-win win.

5) Legacy is Measured by Lives Touched

The stories people shared, the turnout, and the emotions expressed taught me that my dad’s true legacy wasn’t just in what he owned, but in how he impacted others. I mentioned it openly during the eulogy I gave at my dad’s Michigan funeral, but his death reinforced that the memories we shared and the time we spent together far outweighed any monetary gift he could’ve given me.

From the two a day practices he forced me to do growing up that served as the foundation of my successful track career, to the emphasis he placed on education which led me to earn my Doctorate at the age of 24, his impact on my life was immeasurable and I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today without his guidance. 

And I know the impact my dad made on my mom and siblings was extensive, too.

I sometimes hate the cliché that you don’t fully appreciate something until it’s gone, but as I’m mourning my dad’s death, the saying rings a little truer than it ever has.

To anyone out there who still has loved ones living, please remember to give them their flowers while they’re alive. Tell them you love them as much as you can. Be intentional about spending quality time as much as possible. Don’t hold onto grudges. And always keep in mind that life truly is short so we must endeavor to make the most out of it each and every sinlgle day.

Sending love and light to anyone who needs it. 

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To the kinsmen, friends, Ogboli villagers, and everyone else who traveled from near and far to show their respects for my dad and the impact he made on the world, THANK YOU for seeing the importance of being present for him in that way. His legacy & memory live on in every single life he touched, and although my dad is gone, he will never be forgotten.

To see the burial from start to finish, make sure you check out the full vlog on my travels, raw emotions, and everything else surrounding the celebration of my dad, Dr, Felix Ofili here: