Dr. Tiffany Ofili Porter

I learned young that you do yourself a huge disservice when you are overly consumed with what people think of you, and even worse if you let their opinions affect how you live your life.

It’s one thing to take heed to the advice from wise counsel, but a completely different thing to base your life’s decisions on the opinions of every Tom, Dick, and Harry on the street.

You know what they say about opinions.

Imagine how different my story would be if I listened to the:

“Sports are for boys”
“Track isn’t a real sport”
“You can’t be a successful sprint hurdler at a cold school like U of M”
“You must go to private school to be successful”
“Pharmacy is boring, you should become a physician”
“You can’t get a doctorate while running track professionally”
“You and Jeff spend too much time together”
“You should only marry a Nigerian man”
“Twenty-three is too young to get married”
“You should never move out of Michigan”
“Breastfeeding past 12 months is weird”

And the list goes on.

Even though folks may have something to say about your decisions, timeline, or anything else pertaining to your journey, remember that it’s YOUR story and its beautiful in its own right.

Here are three reasons why we should not live our lives for other people:

1) Happiness is an inside job

I’m a firm believer that happiness is a choice, and we have to make the conscious decision each and every day to be happy. If you are living life for others and trying to pull happiness from that, you’re setting yourself up for major disappointment in the long run.

No marriage, spouse, friendship, money, possessions, or accolades can bring you true & lasting happiness unless you make the choice to find the joy that the world can’t take away.

Although newer research does suggest that money can in fact “buy happiness” (read this article), there still appears to be a cap to how much of an impact money can actually make on someone’s level of happiness. Life reminds us all the time of the rich person who is empty inside, or the poor person who is consistently joy filled so I personally don’t rely on money as the source of my happiness.

So how do we get to that happiness?

Well for me, my faith plays a huge role in keeping me grounded and keeping things in perspective. I couldn’t imagine trying to navigate life without God but for those on a different faith journey, having that north star and knowing your why can be incredibly helpful when life throws you curveballs and you have to work to choose happiness in the midst of disappointment.

Even though you can’t change the hand you’re dealt in life, you can control how you respond it, and how you bounce back from life’s disappointments.

I’ve also found that living with a sense of gratitude will do loads for keeping things in perspective, and ultimately increase your happiness.

2) You have to deal with the consequences alone

When we live our lives solely to please others, we may end up with a sense of regret and resentment. Sacrificing our own dreams and ambitions for the sake of others can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and unfulfilled potential. Over time, these negative emotions can have a detrimental impact on our mental and emotional well-being.

Each of us has unique interests, passions, and values that shape our identity. Living life for others often requires suppressing or neglecting our authentic selves in order to meet external expectations. By prioritizing our own needs and desires, we can embrace our true selves and live a life that aligns with our own values and aspirations.

If I would’ve listened to the misguided advice that sports are only for boys, the doors that Athletics has opened up for me would’ve remained closed, and my life would look drastically different today.

Living life for others can also result in a lack of personal boundaries and self-care. Constantly putting others’ needs before our own can lead to exhaustion, burnout, and neglecting our own well-being. It’s crucial to establish healthy boundaries and take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally to lead a balanced and fulfilling life.

3) We only get one chance at life

First off, there’s something to be said about the fact that people genuinely don’t care as much as we sometimes think they do. We all have our own lives to live, and most people are mainly focused on living theirs instead of truly worrying about yours.

Keeping this in mind can be freeing.

I am grateful I didn’t focus on the opinions of the gossiping Nigerian aunties in our local community who thought Jeff and I were “taking too long” to have kids, when we were younger and focused on our track careers. And I’m even more grateful that I didn’t let their speculations of me being “barren” break my spirit when we began trying for our first child and it wasn’t as straightforward as we’d hoped (read my Journey to Motherhood Blog).

A moral here is that what goes on behind closed doors is your business, and if you live for the praise of others, you will die by their criticisms as well. 

Ultimately, living life for others can hinder our personal happiness and fulfillment. True happiness comes from living an authentic life that is aligned with our own passions, interests, and values. When we prioritize our own needs and desires, we are more likely to experience a sense of purpose and contentment.

Although my journey to this point hasn’t been perfect, I am grateful to be living in the middle of several answered prayers. A large part of the fulfillment I have today is because I stopped caring about the opinions of others, and instead embraced my authenticity, and prioritized our own happiness.

While it’s important to consider and care about the well-being of others, it’s equally important to prioritize our own needs and desires since we only get one shot at this thing called life.


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